Some restaurants tire me

Melbourne is spoilt for choice when it comes to restaurants. We can eat anything, from any country, any time pretty much. We have great top end restaurants and the middle layer is quite strong - and probably what makes Melbourne a better place for eating than Sydney.

But it is this middle layer that is really starting to shit me. It seems that any hack chef hang out a shingle and call himself a restaurant. Now don't get me wrong, not every restaurant needs to be a ground breaking experience. Not every restaurant has to break the rules of convention and challenge our palettes, but by the same token not every restaurant has to serve up the same crappy dishes and think they are doing us all a favour.

My pet hate of the moment, "Grilled Atlantic Salmon, served on a bed of spinach, and creamy mash". Give me a fucking break. Next time you are out - count how many times you see this dish, or subtle unimaginative versions of it written up on blackboards all over town.

What the fuck did you people learn at school ? Do you have no imagination at all. Do you all have to do this freaking salmon dish ? Do you all have to have a "Chicken Caesar salad" on the menu? Do you even know that Caesar Salad does not have chicken in it? Call it a fucking chicken salad so we all know what we are getting. I don't want to order a Caesar Salad and not get a Caesar Salad.

When did you rag-arse hacks decide that spaghetti amatriciana has olives and peppers and other shit in it? If it's not a real carbonara then don't call it a carbonara. These names have been around for years - don't serve up crap and think you can get away with it by giving it a traditional name that everybody recognises. When I see something on the menu that has a known recipe then that is what I expect to get. If you're going to change it call it "Spaghetti alla I don't have a clue", then at least we know what we are getting and how much we should trust you.

So in addition to some rather random and intermittent reviews I am going to name and shame restaurants that are showing zero imagination, or that think they are smarter than years of history.

Stay tuned and feel free to share your "favourites".

Jimmy